We Should Vacation in Vancouver

First of all, let me say that I saw this commercial in the lead-up to the Olympic season.

As soon as I saw it, I asked Anne if one day we could go to Vancouver for our Spring Break. It just sounds like fun. There are plenty of reasons to go there. What could possibly be bad about the Great White North? I’ve actually grown quite fond of “America’s Hat” (that one was supplied by Amanda, so don’t look at me like that).

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Anyway, the Olympics are in full swing and we’ve been spending it as you might expect – by watching ice dancing and drinking some Coke*.  It’s not so much that I want to watch, rather it seems to be the only thing on.  Here’s one of the many reasons I can’t stand Ice Dancing: the Russian duo as Australian Aboriginals. (I can’t find you a viable clip, sorry.)

Generally, I like to spend my Winter Olympics watching curling. I can’t help it; it’s just my favorite.  But I only pay attention to men’s. There is no reason behind it; please don’t peg me as sexist or misogynistic. My good friend Stephen Colbert can help me explain.

When I can’t sit down to watch curling, I like to watch all types of snowboarding and skiiing. (Unfortunately I had to work through Shaun White on the halfpipe.) Occasionally I’ll watch figure skating.

Among the conversations that we’ve had while watching these wonderful games has been, “If you were a figure skater, what song would you set your routine to?” Seeing as how Michelle Kwan has already skated to songs from both Mulan and Pocahontas, I’ve decided to disregard both of those. Now, I’ve given this a lot of thought and I’ve finally come up with an answer. I would totally steal this routine:

I hope you enjoy the remainder of your Olympics. Go Canada, er, uh, I mean, America. U-S-A, U-S-A, U-S-A!!!  Whatever. As long as it’s one of those two, I’m good to go.  Regardless, I’ll be happy when we’ve been returned to our regularly scheduled programming.

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Age of the Understatement

Crawford 202 is nothing if not lively.  Of late we’ve been especially raucous.  Each of us has our own running jokes.  For me, it’s my (not at all charming, no matter what Anne may think) Akron A “a”ccent.  For Ryan, it’s a newly developed game we’ll call “trachea”. (I swear, that boy’s never allowed to watch Fight Science again.)  And for Ellen, it’s the fact that she’s Benjamin Button.

It all started the other day while we were watching the Olympics.  Ellen, Ryan, and Amanda were discussing famous gymnasts from the last Summer Olympics.  Amanda mentioned Shawn Johnson and Ryan offered Alicia Sacramone, but it was really Ellen who took the cake by saying, “Mary… Mary Lou Retton.” We weren’t even alive for that, Ellen. Come on! So, for the last few days we’ve been coming up with little jokes to hurl at her. Doing this was like living in our own little sitcom. Amanda is by far the best at it, but here’s a little sample of what we’ve come up with:

  • Did you used to wake up in the morning feeling like Frank Sinatra?
  • Do you regret buying one of those really big cell phones?
  • What did you name your pet rock?
  • What was the Breakfast Club like in theaters?
  • When you saw the first movie, were you afraid that the train was going to come out of the screen?
  • Did your hoop skirt make cuddling harder?
  • Was Halley’s Comet better the first or second time around?
  • Did you have to relocate during the Dust Bowl?
  • Were you personally affected by the Depression?
  • Was you elementary school class segregated?
  • Did prohibition put a damper on your clubbing?
  • Did your dad build a bomb shelter in your back yard?
  • Did a lot of your friends go to Canada to dodge the draft?
  • Were you the first family on the block to have a color TV?
  • Could you teach us how to play the game with the hoop and the stick?
  • Did you, like the rest of America, think that Dewey was going to win the election?
  • Did your leg warmers clash with your Hammer pants?
  • When kids in your class needed graphing calculators, did you feel weird using an abacus?
  • How did if feel to finally get the right to vote?
  • What was it like to be at the Seneca Falls Convention?
  • What was it like to see the Beatles play the Ed Sullivan show?
  • Were you afraid that War of the Worlds was real?
  • Where were you when Kennedy was shot?
  • Did you call Charlemagne “Charlie”?