The League: Forever Unclean

Episode 3×4: I will graciously admit that I procrastinated the hell out of writing this post. I just had no desire to sit down and recap an episode called “Ol’ Smoke Crotch”. Because, for as much as I enjoy The League, sometimes I doubt my sanity. It’s just so gross. Why am I laughing at that disgusting joke? Nothing was funny about it, ya know. But, whatever. Watch it, I do. Thus I must put my nose to the grindstone and recap this monstrosity of a show. Voluntarily.

Four episodes into the season and I can’t help but wonder when we’ll get more than one line a week about football on this show. The only football related tidbit of information this week was that Carson Palmer is thinking about retiring. So there you go.

The first thing we learn this episode is that Ruxin probably won’t be winning any “Father of the Year” awards in the near future for his treatment towards Baby Geoffrey. He lets the toddler throw food around the fancy restaurant before letting the kid eat ice out of a urinal. On a related note, why do we insist on calling him “baby Geoffrey?” Will not Geoffrey, or simply Geoff, suffice? It did for the Fresh Prince’s butler (What up, G?). That toddler is seriously “forever unclean” after the whole “water biscuits” thing but it’s still on par, grossness wise, with Kevin & Jenny’s daughter playing with their dog’s poop last season, so whatever.

Ruxin’s having a rough time being a parent with his wife out of town and Pete dating his au pair. She’s causing all kinds of problems for Ruxin, beginning with walking in on him trying to get a pee stain out of his pants (alas, he didn’t utilize Taco’s “pee bib”). She takes this embarrassing information in stride and decides to hold it over his head, using his house as her personal playground and slacking off from her nanny-ing duties. Because of her leverage, he can’t fire her so he tries to get her to quit, going so far as to allow his brother-in-law, Rafi, to move in. Rafi is so disgusting he’s basically a parody of himself. In the end, the joke is on both Ruxin and Pete, because the au pair likes Rafi, quits her job and moves into Rafi’s room, still living under Ruxin’s roof.

The other plot of the episode revolved around Kevin, who is freaking out because he found a grey hair. It instigates a terrible bout of vanity. He goes so far as to accept a spa visit with Andre. Kevin becomes so self-conscious about his greying hairs that he attempts to dye them. Things go awry when he attempts to dry the dye with Jenny’s blow dryer and he ends up setting himself on fire in the nether regions, for that’s where his grey hairs were. Clearly it’s not a good week to be Kevin. The fire gets put out, but only after Andre accidentally bashes Kevin over the head with a glass of water.

Also of note, Kevin didn’t know that he had red hair. To be fair, I didn’t either.

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