Can We Talk About the Lizzie Bennet Diaries?

Subtitle, courtesy of @onlymystory, “If This is the Kind of Single Man in Want of a Wife…GIVE ME THE DAMN RING.”

I have a confession. So here’s the thing. The thing is: I am hopelessly addicted to The Lizzie Bennet Diaries. And you should be too.

As you may know, Monday was the 200th anniversary of the publishing of my beloved Pride and Prejudice. Okay, I guess I can’t say ‘my’ beloved. It’s not like I wrote it. If only. But still. As one of my favorite books and my absolute favorite movie, you are getting a post dedicated to Pride and Prejudice. Because, duh.

But wait, there’s a twist! I’m not going to wax poetic about the book (though I could) and I’m not going to fawn over the movie (even though I did watch it Sunday for approximately the 200th time). Instead, I am going to shout excitedly about the most recent interpretation: The Lizzie Bennet Diaries.

First things first: What is it?

Good question! The one-line answer: Modern day P&P done as a vlog.

In this retelling, Lizzie Bennet is a 24 year-old grad student studying Mass Communications. She has two sisters – the elder, Jane, and the younger, Lydia. For fun, and as part of her thesis, Lizzie decides to make a vlog about her life and the matchmaking attempts of her mother.

The characters are, for the most part, the same. Their names and appearances? Not so much. For instance, Kitty has been relegated to the role of Lydia’s cat; Mary is a cousin. Don’t question it – it works. Also, all three sisters have gorgeous red hair. I’m having some serious hair-envy, y’all.

Charlotte Lucas is still Lizzie’s best and truest friend but she is now Asian and named Charlotte Lu. Charles Bingly is now Bing Lee. (Yes, he’s Asian. And yes, he looks like the Asian Tyler Hoechlin. Trust me? Oh, you don’t. Okay then:

Exhibit A: faces

Exhibit B: deuces

Exhibit C: abs

Or maybe it’s just that ‘there’s something pleasant about his mouth when he speaks’ – smiles – whichever. Either way, I rest my case. (I know you didn’t ask but come on, it was totally worth mentioning.)

This adaptation, like any and all good adaptations, hits all the major plot-points: Jane falls for Bing Lee (love at first sight!). Lizzie finds Darcy intolerable. Bing Lee throws a party. Jane and Lizzie stay at Netherfield. Lizzie meets and flirts with Wickham. Wickham is full of shit and eventually hooks up with Lydia. Bing Lee is convinced to leave Netherfield by his interfering sister Caroline and best friend Darcy. Charlotte accepts a proposal from Mr Collins and then Lizzie goes to visit her. Lizzie goes to Pemberly and that’s where we are now.

I’m getting really invested in these characters. Like, if you had asked me a fortnight ago, I wouldn’t have thought it would be possible to have more love for Darcy and Lizzie or more hatred for Wickham or more angst and eye-rolling over Lydia but I LOVE IT SO MUCH MORE NOW. I’m thinking about the story differently and how this modern adaptation works (and how it doesn’t).

Like – Mary. I am so into Mary as a character. She is just a bad-ass and yet so perfectly in character: introverted, quiet, soft-spoken, keeps-to-herself. But then she knows how to wrangle Lydia and turns into a good friend for her cousin. And nabs herself a boyfriend!

Speaking of Lydia – I never would have imagined Lydia as a sympathetic character, not really, but this vlog has managed to do so. Giving her a spin-off series really lets us into the emotional depth of Lydia: she’s the baby of the family; she’s not as close to either of her sisters as they are too each other; she doesn’t have a love interest (and seems fairly content with that in the beginning) but clearly doesn’t want to be pigeonholed as a slut, either; she’s lonely. This is the first P&P adaptation, at least that I’ve seen, that really allows Lydia ample screen time and gives her some plot instead of treating her as a plot device.

And Lizzie. You guys, this series took the opportunity to show Lizzie as a biased/not completely reliable narrator and ran with it. Of course they kept Lizzie the main character and are telling the story from her perspective, but it’s so refreshing to see that she’s fallible – and that others around her know that! The use of Jane and Charlotte in the videos has really helped flesh out how Lizzie’s opinions can be ‘prejudiced’ and sometimes marred by her first impressions. (Fun fact, the original title of P&P was “First Impressions”. The more you know.) Her use of ‘costume theater’ helps dramatize her interactions with others, sure, but it’s also giving us, the viewers, a really accurate portrayal of how, exactly, Lizzie thinks of those people while veiling it in a ‘fake’ kind of way.

Now that it’s been mentioned, enough can’t be said for Lizzie’s costume theater. While biased, it really helped to introduce characters and give them another dimension while letting us into Lizzie’s mindspace. Also, it gives us time to really appreciate how precious and adorable these characters are. May I present:

If you didn’t notice, the first gif set isn’t just Darcy – it’s hipster!Darcy. That is his natural character disposition! Darcy is a hipster. I totally buy that interpretation 100%. In Lizzie’s costume theater bits she always provides a red bowtie and newsie cap (in one episode she called Darcy a Newsie and I almost died I was so thrilled). In that first gif, those are HIS OWN hat and tie. He wanted to be in character costume to please her.

And that bottom gifset? Yeah, that’s Fitz. I don’t know if you remember him from the books, but he’s pretty much always been my fallback option for Lizzie if she couldn’t have Darcy. But in modern times he’s gay. And wonderful. I just, I need a Fitz in my life. He really gets Darcy’s personality and knows how to coax Darcy into being teasing and lighthearted and it’s fabulous. I also love that he and Gigi are conspiring to get Lizzie and Darcy together. Their twitter interactions are actually the best. Case in point:

Okay, I’ve made my pitch. If this hasn’t won you over, I don’t know what will. While you watch keep an eye out for Georgiana “Gigi” Darcy’s blatant machinations (with her super side-kick Fitz), the nods to having a Vlog Brother produce (Mary was reading Looking for Alaska), the cranberry green bean jello mould, Wickham’s abs, Mr Collins’ proposal, the Lizzie/Darcy fanfic shoutout (you guys – someone trolled AO3 by posting the first 800 or so words of P&P as if it were a Regency AU fanfic). Okay. That’s really all.

Start watching! I provided the link to the entire series playlist for your convenience:

(Don’t shoot me for the plethora of Diet Pepsi ads.)

I Made History… Kind Of?

Last week I admit that I was facing a bit of a conundrum, dear readers. I was all ready to ask  for your input. It was the night before President Obama’s 2nd Inaugural and I just couldn’t decide whether or not I should go. For regular visitors, you’ll know that I am a staunch supporter of Obama. And for that alone I wanted to witness his second inauguration. But there are a few things that made the decision difficult.

1) Obama’s actual second Inauguration took place on Sunday the 20th, in a private ceremony. See, the thing is, since the date of Presidential inaugurations changed from mid-March to the 20th of January, swearing-in ceremonies typically don’t happen on Sundays. Therefore, the official ceremony happened on Sunday in the White House, and the President was simply upholding tradition by having a secondary ceremony on Monday. Did I really want to go see a ‘fake’ ceremony?

2) I’d have to get up at the ass-crack of dawn. I’m a college student, okay? I value my sleep. It is precious to me like little else. Did I really want to be up not at but before 6am on Monday to haul my ass to the National Mall.

2-a) Even if I got myself up and awake before 6am, I still didn’t have an actual ticket to the Inauguration ceremony. The best I could hope for was a prime location in front of a jumbo-tron.

So I guess my dilemma was this: Get up and see the ‘fake’ ceremony just because I could? I mean, I’ll admit that I’m lucky to be living in the nation’s capital. That’s not the question. Rather did I want to bother to get myself up and out of bed to trek the 8 blocks to watch the ceremony on a jumb0-tron or do I watch it from the comfort of my couch? To hike down to the parade route or watch from the window? Go to the Mall for the ceremony AND the parade or do I go for one or another?

I know by now you’re all dying to know so I’ll fess up: I went. I woke up at 6am, layered on an obscene amount of clothing, zipped into my boots and walked. And walked. And walked. And then, just when I was really excited to be done with all the walking, I got to stand around for a few hours. I’m sorry – did I say a few? I meant five hours. In the cold.

And yes, whatever, the ceremony was nice. Yeah, sure, I got to ‘witness history’. And, okay, I admit, I almost cried at three separate points during Obama’s speech. And only 2 people near me needed us to shout for the medic. And I had a good view and our jumbo-tron stopped malfunctioning by the time the ceremony started. But damn did my feet hurt later. Seven hours in boots was not my best idea, I’ll admit. But you know what was a worse idea? The mile walk I made in heels later that night.

Yup, that’s right. Later that night I donned a ball gown and strap myself into high heels and walked a mile to a fancy dinner before cabbing (thankfully) to my university’s Inaugural Ball. The blisters, they were ugly. My feet, they were pained. But dammit I looked pretty and I had a nice time. It was way too crowded, and drinks were way too expensive, and there were too many ballrooms (I kept getting turned around), but it was fun. And I guess now I know what I was missing when I decided not to go to prom.

Informative Speech: Fandom

Okay, show of hands – who here has ever heard of 50 Shades of Grey? Everyone, right? If you have, you’ve inadvertently stumbled across fandom. Today I’m going to explain what exactly fandom is, how it started, and how it has managed to make its very own subculture, complete with its own language.

First, it must be said that there is a difference between being a fan of something and being part of a fandom. Fans are casual in their interest – they will tune in from week to week to watch the show or pre-order the next book in the series, but they don’t devote any more time to it than to set their DVR or actually enjoy the material.

A member of a fandom is an entirely different story. For a member of a fandom, they invest their time and emotions to their interest. And it’s a phenomenon that’s been going on for over a century.

One of the facts I find most surprising about fandom culture is that it’s not new or recent by any stretch of the imagination. Though I only stumbled upon fandom in the last few years, fandom culture has actually been around for decades.

The first modern fandom is considered to be Sherlock Holmes. That’s right, there were fans sitting around as early as 1887, writing about these beloved characters in the first recorded cases of fan fiction. In 1893, fans of Sherlock Holmes even held public demonstrations of mourning when the titular character was “killed”.  Let me do the math for you – 125 years this has been going on. And for the record – Sherlock Holmes is still being written about today. I saw a story about him that was updated this morning.

The thing about fandom is that it can be for fans of literally anything. The most common and mainstream fandoms tend to be related to television shows, movie franchises and book series. They even have nicknames – you’ve probably heard of some of them:

• Twilight fans are Twihards,
• Firefly fans are Browncoats;
• for Star Trek there are Trekkies
• and Dr. Who has its Whovians.
• Janeites are those who adore Jane Austen
• Whedonites worship at the alter of Joss Whedon – figuratively, of course.
• And yes, there are even Bronies – fans of My Little Pony.

I couldn’t make this up if I tried.

But there are less mainstream fandoms as well – for musicians and bands, anime, plays and video games. Even celebrities.

And when I say that fandom is a culture, that’s not a lie. It’s so expansive it has grown to have its own language. My friend Diana and I, though we have zero fandoms in common, can hold an entire conversation about the phenomenon without anyone understanding. It’s not their fault, they’re just not part of the culture.

So if you hear a strange conversation about a new ‘fic’ someone read, know that they’re probably talking about fanfiction – or fictional stories – anywhere from a few words long to a few hundred thousand – about a show or movie or book. In case you didn’t know – that’s how 50 Shades of Grey was born. It was originally published – probably on a site like fanfiction.net or Archive Of Our Own as Twilight fanfiction.

Or maybe you’ll hear the word ‘ship’ but no context clues to think the conversation could be about boating. They’re probably talking about two characters being in a relationship, or wanting characters to be in a relationship.

And beyond that, there are OTPs, or One True Pairings – the couples a fan thinks should belong together.

These ‘ships’ or OTPs may or may not be canon, which means they take place in the continuity of the fandom’s universe or ‘verse. If something is ‘canon’ it means it happened on the show, or in the book series, et cetera.

But something may also be ‘fanon’ or “fan canon”. That means that a fact which doesn’t necessarily exist in the universe or continuity of the show has been accepted by the fans as fact – such as minor character backstory or the first name of a character.

I know this is a lot to hear, especially if you’ve never been exposed to fandom before. Believe me, I understand. The first time I stumbled across a fandom I was googling every other word to understand this new language.

The thing about people that take part in fandoms is that you may never know that it’s a hobby of theirs. While I’ve always been a television addict, I’ve never had anyone that truly shares my passion about the same shows.

But then I joined Twitter and could follow the writer’s room of my favorite show. I thought – no big, I love to write, I wonder what their process is. And then I started recapping television shows for a small blog. And then I befriended THOSE writers on Twitter. And then I joined tumblr and all bets were off.

It grew slowly, and steadily, my delve into fandom. And now, after watching an episode of my favorite show, I no longer turn off the TV and get ready for bed. Now I log onto Twitter and see what is being said about it, and complain about how many FEELINGS the show has given me.

Fandom can be a bit of a life ruiner, but at the same time it’s rewarding to connect with people about my interests. It’s nice to live in a world that makes it easy to connect, and make friends. Now you don’t have to trek to San Diego to take part in Comic Con or Austin to go to the Austin Television Festival. Now if I want to talk about my crazy theories about ANYTHING I can take to tumblr or twitter, and immediately find some camaraderie.

Fandom is a strange concept to some. It’s even a strange concept to me, and I take part in them. But they can also be rewarding. And if you’re still lost, think of it this way – do you have a sports team that you’re devoted to? Do you take part in fantasy football or baseball? Then you, my friend, are also part of a fandom. Welcome.

Sometimes Homework is Just Fanfic in Disguise

Sometimes a writing assignment is just a mental exercise. But sometimes a writing assignment turns out to be kind of like writing fanfiction. Which is precisely what happened in my screenwriting class last week. My professor asked us each to pick two characters from a current tv show or a recent movie and write their back-story. The trick was, we couldn’t include things that had already been revealed. Of course I picked Parks & Recreation. Deciding which characters I wanted to write was a bit more of a struggle. Leslie, Ron and Ben already have a wealth of information shared about them, so I wanted to write about characters that we didn’t really know much about. With no further ado, the abridged histories of Donna Meagle and Tom Haverford.

Donna Meagle

Donna Meagle wasn’t born in Pawnee, Indiana. She was born in Gary, Indiana and lived there with her parents and two older brothers until she graduated from high school. After being scouted by a plus-sized modeling agency at the local mall, she relocated to a small apartment in the heart of Indianapolis.

Her career was short-lived, though she was a very popular figurehead for her agency’s European division. A provocative spread she did for a high-end lingerie brand in Finland paid handsomely and gave her the money to buy her beloved Mercedes Benz.

In high school she was very popular; her personality blend of class-clown and diva easily won her the title of Prom Queen.

Despite her popularity with the opposite sex, Donna hasn’t been in a steady relationship since high school. She had dated a boy named Jimmy all throughout high school, but they broke up when Donna realized that she was wasting her time with only one man.

She has never been married, preferring the freedom of single life. That isn’t to say that men haven’t tried. She has been proposed to a total of four times by three different men.

Jimmy was the first to propose. He got down on one knee in front of her friends and family at their high school graduation party. She immediately dumped him.

The second proposal came from a guy named Chet she met during her time as a model. She had been in Europe for the job and they had a one-night-stand after an event hosted by her modeling agency. He shouted his proposal after her as she left the hotel the next morning; he was still handcuffed to the headboard.

The third and fourth proposals came in rapid succession. One of the checkout boys at the Pawnee grocery store jokingly proposed the first time that she went into the store. He tried again, only slightly more serious, only a week later.

Donna considers herself as having great taste. She was treated once for oniomania – a shopping addiction – and is currently in recovery. This compulsion, however, has put her in serious debt. She has three credit cards currently maxed out, which is a step up from the nine she had at the peak of her addiction.

One of her brothers is the defensive coordinator for the Indianapolis Colts. She, along with the rest of her family, have season tickets to all of the Colts home games. Her 30^th birthday party was actually at the skybox of the stadium during a playoff game.

Donna finally moved from Indianapolis to the small-town of Pawnee when she was 27 and knew that her modeling career was over for good. She chose to move to Pawnee because she could live anonymously as an ex-model. The fact that it was ranked 4^th in obesity nationally was also a convincing factor as she would fit in.

She ended up working at the Parks Department on a whim. She had just moved to Pawnee and needed to find a job to pay down her credit card debt. The job didn’t have very stringent qualifications and wouldn’t be too taxing, so she interviewed for the position. Ron Swanson hired her for her complete apathy toward local government and the parks system in general.

Tom Haverford

Tom grew up in South Carolina with the rest of his family until he went away to college in Indianapolis. He lived with his parents, grandparents, five older brothers and his younger sister. His brothers were always rambunctious and physically active. Tom was the runt of the family and was frequently relegated to playing dolls with his younger sister.

Tom didn’t hit the 5’ mark until freshman year of high school. To make up for his lack of physical appeal, he became the class clown and head of the student council.

Despite this, Tom was never popular. He did, however, manage to get everyone in the school to know his name, so he didn’t care if his classmates actually liked him or not. Because of his aggressively extroverted personality, people shied away from him and he had very few close friends. He only managed to get a date to prom because the girl he asked was dared to say yes.

He went away to college hoping to find a place where he fit in. In Indianapolis Tom enrolled as an American Studies major because he thought it would a) be easy and, b) give him a well-rounded background for whatever design/entrepreneurial/political job he could attain later in life.

He frequently asked girls out, but never got any positive responses because he was too “cute” and “nice.” His small stature and propensity to use pet-names before even entering a relationship did not help matters.

He was the mascot for his college athletic department. His small stature and boundless energy helped him win over the fans.

He worked in the cafeteria during college as part of a work-study job. He liked it because it allowed him to interact with so many people over the course of a day. That was where he met his future wife, Wendy. She had been crying over her meatloaf and Tom went to comfort her. She ended up pouring her heart out about being afraid of being deported and that’s how their tenuous friendship began.

Tom actually moved to Pawnee because of his wife’s job. He decided it would be a perfect place to launch his political career. He got a job at City Hall and the only open position was in Parks & Recreation. That suited him well, though, because the job wasn’t very taxing and he had plenty of free time to allot to figuring out how, exactly, he wanted to plan his entrepreneurial empire.

Tom decided to go into politics, not playing into some urge to help people have better lives, but to impress them. Five of his six siblings are doctors of some sort and the other is an actor in New York. Tom had always felt that he was living in the shadow of his siblings, so he wanted to make his parents proud. Becoming a famous politician seemed like a good enough plan for him.

Working in the Parks Department actually curtailed his desire to go into politics. That was where his dream to open his own company really flourished.

Despite feeling like a professional failure at times, Tom has quite a few personal achievements. For instance, he has won every karaoke contest he has ever entered. He has also designed his own manicure experience for men. He calls them “man”-cures.

Just Keep Writing

Sometimes paradoxes are fun. But frequently they’re no fun at all. Case in point: There’s plenty to write about and nothing to say. Classes have started and I’ve launched into senior year. I love all of my classes. I’m excited about the amount of writing I’ll be doing this semester – and have already done. My professors seem great. But there’s still so much up in the air.

This year I’m in the officer corps for my university band. I’ve had all summer to get familiar with the position, but I’m off to a rocky start nonetheless. Not much time goes by without me questioning what it is I need to be doing, should be doing, and whether or not I’m contributing enough. But I love the organization and the position, so I’m sure I’ll get the hang of it in no time.

I’m also struggling to lock down my internship. I got a positive response from an organization in DC, but I haven’t had much luck with the logistics. I have yet to meet my potential “employer” and hammer out a schedule. Is it a go-into-the-office type position, or will I predominantly be working from home? There are a lot of time constraints and other considerations that I’m afraid haven’t been taken into account. And honestly? I wouldn’t be that upset about not having an internship and having free time / homework time built into my week.

And there’s plenty of homework to be done, believe me. I’m taking 5 classes, and 4 of them are writing classes. There’s Language & Politics, Presidential Communication, Speechwriting, and Screenwriting. And listen, I love them. But they’re not simple. They take a lot of forethought and planning. But I love it. They stretch my creative muscles, let my imagination run rampant, and force me to be a better writer. But for me to actually BE a better writer, I need to write. A lot.

So that’s the theme of this semester: Am Writing. And the best part about this whole “Am Writing” experience is that I’m getting familiar with a bunch of different genres. I’m experimenting with screenplay format for the first time (and loving it. Though the limit on exposition is a surprising struggle). I’m learning how to craft political language into speeches, which has been a dream of mine for half a decade. And, of course, I’m still writing my recaps at Off Color TV. There’s no way I could give up my insane devotion to Parks & Rec and I’m going to try my hand at recapping The Mindy Project as well.

On top of all of that, the thousands of words I will be required to craft for school and volunteered to string together for recaps, I will keep on with my personal writing projects. I have four novels that are nowhere near complete and each of them have a place in my heart. They showcase how much I’ve grown as a writer. One was my first foray into the novel (junior year of high school). One was an attempt to stretch my legs (freshman year of college). The third, and possibly my favorite, was my best example of characterization yet (junior year of college). And the fourth, my newest baby, has shown me what I can do when I figure out the plot ahead of time (summer before senior year of college).

I’m equal parts excited and terrified of all of the writing I’ll have to do. I’m worried that I won’t improve as much as I’d like. Or that maybe I’m no good at this writing gig at all. But it’s exhilarating – putting myself out there in the name of doing what I love.

And to balance all of this writing, I get to research my future. I’m to the point in my life that I need to figure out what I want to do next. I want to try and work for a year or two before going to grad school, but what, exactly, is it that I want to do? Do I want to stay in the sphere of Political Communication? Do I want to move toward the realm of television? They beautiful thing is that I’m young and I have plenty of time to follow my heart. I may be on the cusp of adulthood, but I’m not actually a real person yet.

Summer Scorecard

Tomorrow marks the day that I officially become a senior in college. After spending the last hour looking over communication internship descriptions, I have decided that I am in no way ready for the real world. Me + office environment = stressful. But I’ve been working since I was 16 and haven’t embarassed myself too badly. On top of that I have some marketable life skills. I just hope they’ll be enough.

You know what would be perfect though? A writing job. Writing about anything, really. Or if I could get paid to watch TV or read books. Or get paid to write about TV and books. So probably my college degree won’t help me too much if I decide to go that route, but the four years of TV marathons and book reading sure will. Because what else is the beginning of your senior year good for than rethinking all of your career goals and life decisions?

Books Read: 14

• Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
• Brave New World
• Messy
• The Demon’s Lexicon
• The Demon’s Covenant
• Looking for Alaska
• The Bell Jar
• An Abundance of Katherines
• 13 Little Blue Envelopes
• Team Human
• Heat Rises
• Lola and the Boy Next Door
• What Happened to Goodbye

Shows Watched: 9

• Dance Academy
• Arrested Development
• Awkward.
• Teen Wolf
• Friday Night Lights
• Girls
• The Newsroom
• Hart of Dixie (I was 7-8 episodes behind)
• Once Upon a Time (had to catch up on a semester’s worth of episodes)

Movies Seen: 9

• Battleship
• The Amazing Spiderman
• The Avengers
• Celeste and Jesse Forever
• Moonrise Kingdom
• Safety Not Guaranteed
• Ted
• Prometheus
• Beasts of the Southern Wild

Blanket Fort Manifesto

On those hot, blustery days where the heat index tops out at 108 and you’re stuck in a dorm room, chilled to the bone thanks to the cranky thermostat you’re afraid to turn up in case you’ll never feel cool again, you need something to do. And it doesn’t matter that it’s Harry Potter Weekend, because that happens at least once a month and, besides, you can stream those movies online any damn time you want. What you can’t do any time is build a blanket fort. That requires a significant surplus of free time, an amenable roommate, and a damn good reason to not set foot outdoors for at least a few hours.

I firmly believe that you’re never too old for a blanket fort. What is a better well of childhood nostalgia? The only thing better about building blanket forts at 21 instead of 8 is that now your juice boxes can be alcoholic. But of course a blanket fort, like every good compound, needs a set of rules to operate by. With no further ado, the Blanket Fort Manifesto:

1)    On Construction:

1. Exterior

i.     Though called a blanket fort, the actual materials used to construct the fortress can include: blankets, comforters, sheets, quilts, and throws. Pillows are acceptable, but should be limited to increasing comfort of in-fort activities (see section 3). And remember, a successful fort is one that blocks most, but not necessarily all, ambient light from outside of your citadel.

ii.     Be smart when deciding on where to place your fort. If possible, it should be in the living room. However, if you are living in a dorm room, that might be impossible. If able, you should place your fort in the same room as a television. Then again, we live in the age of streaming video, so this isn’t really as necessary as it was a decade ago. You can just fire up your laptop and pull up your Netflix Instant. But don’t be that guy. You’re in it for the nostalgia, right? Hunker down with some of your favorite Disney movies. Your neck cramps won’t last forever.

iii.     A blanket fort need not be a free-standing structure. Acceptable supports include, but are not limited to: couches, beds, chairs, desks, and dressers.

iv.     Under no circumstances are you to use tape, glue, yarn, thread, clips, etc. to fasten blankets together. You’re better than that.

2.  Interior

i.     Comfort is the name of the game. Sleeping bags, couch cushions, and pillows can all be considered fair game.

ii.     Proper lighting is important. As you don’t want a lot of ambient light filtering through your blankets and into the interior of your fort (that would show shoddy craftsmanship), you may find yourself wanting to see once you’re inside. As good at setting an atmosphere as candles can be, they’re fire hazards. Act accordingly. Battery powered lanterns, strategically placed flashlights, or that Yule log youtube video are excellent alternatives.

3.  Location

i.     Blanket forts are most successful when built as an excuse to stay indoors. Periods of excessive heat or cold are perfect reasons. Doesn’t the thought of cozying up inside a blanket fort in the wake of a thunderstorm/blizzard/heat wave sound fantastic?

2)    On the admission policy

1. Be exclusive. You want your fort to be the coolest place you’ve ever imagined. Those daydreams you had of tree houses way back in the sixth grade? Well unless you’re the coolest parent ever, you probably don’t have one waiting in your future. This is your chance, buddy! Go crazy. It should be a privilege, nay an honor, to be invited into your fort. Invite visitors accordingly.
2. Listen, this is your fort, your sanctuary. It’s a given that it will have limited square-footage that will rival the studio apartment you’re barely able to afford. Ergo, you can be as picky as you want. No boys allowed? Fine. No girls allowed? Okay then. No redheads? I don’t know who in their right mind would make that call, but sure, if that’s how you feel.

3)    Acceptable In-Fort Activities

1. Marathon movies and television shows. It’s absolutely a great idea.
2. Cuddle. Admit it, a blanket fort is a small, cozy, dare I say intimate space. Chances are you can’t fit more than two people inside without resorting to close human contact regardless. It’s nice to cuddle with a good friend or significant other. But listen, you’re not a little kid anymore so if you want to make out in your blanket fort, go for it. Who’s going to stop you?
3. Tell stories. Share your favorite misadventures, wait until 2am and make up scary ghost stories, reminisce about the recent past, and enrapture your friends with those wacky urban legends only people from your lost-on-the-map hometown have ever heard of.
4. Play videogames. Scavenge your old Gameboy and pop in that Pokémon Blue you’ve been meaning to beat for a decade now. Set up the N64, crack a beer, and play Mario Kart. Let your boyfriend teach you how to play that first-person shooter you’ve never heard of before.
5. Read. What a novel idea. Crack open a well-loved book or break the spine of a new one. Utilize your local library, or borrow a dog-eared, marked-up beater from a friend. Trudge your way through a classic or breeze through an easy-read. It doesn’t matter if you’re picking up a piece of literature you never actually got around to reading in high school English or that new Fug Girls book (which is great, btw), the point is you’re reading. I can’t endorse this activity enough.

4)    Deconstruction

1. Set a time limit for your fort. Preferably no longer than 48. The fact that you only have so long to enjoy it makes your haven all the more magical. Nothing good lasts forever, right? Besides, if properly constructed, your fort is taking up a significant portion of your living space. You’ll probably be too tired come Monday morning to want to take precious time navigating your way around it while trying not to be late for work.