What’s up, Wednesday? // 2 \\

I’ve been working on a really fun follow-up post to my Relationship Theory, and hopefully it will be up later this week. But for now, yet another What’s up, Wednesday!

WHAT’S UP WEDNESDAY is hosted by Jaime Morrow and Erin Funk, and to learn more about it, you should really visit their respective pages.

What I’m Reading

I stayed up too late reading last night. First because These Broken Stars was so good. Second because I really wanted to have another book to talk about for this post. With TBS, I found it was really interesting how, for a book set on a deserted planet because of a Titanic-like spaceship crash, the more I read, the more sci-fi it became. Sure, it started off with spaceships and hyperdrive engines, but by the end the science-fiction was so much more. More developed, more important to the story, more interesting. It went from feeling like a ‘stranded on a deserted island’ story to an episode of Stargate SG-1, so of course I was all over it. There were moments that were so interesting, and creepy, and confusing that I looked up from the pages as if to check that I wasn’t stranded on that planet, too.

This morning I began my re-read of Summerland by Michael Chabon. I really wanted to fit it in while it still feels like summer. At this point, I’m not even sure how many times I’ve read it, but I think the first was back in 2005 around the same time my mom was reading The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay (which I also love). Summerland is very important to me – is has everything I could have wanted in a MG/YA book: it’s long (500 pages); it plays heavily with mythology (Norse and Native American and American folklore); the characters, though children, never feel like children. There are miniature adults and the book is written toward miniature adults as well, not children. There is nothing simple about the book. Summerland is about a boy and his dad, it’s about baseball and dirigibles, it’s about werefoxes traveling through dimensions, and friendship, and trying to prevent Ragnarock. It’s amazing.

What I’m Writing

Copying Bailey, who is working on That Ghost Story, I’ve decided to refer to my newest WIP as That Golf Story. I’m still chugging steadily ahead. I’ve roped my friend Kate into reading each chapter as I finish, and her cheering for me (and frequent threats to edit the finished product to hell and back) has been excellent encouragement. I’m so happy to be writing off of a detailed (and complete!) outline. It makes everything feel so much easier. I’ve removed one character and made another one better and I think I wrote one of my favorite sentences ever when I have the MC describe her antagonist-cum-love interest. I managed to write another 1600 words on Friday, finishing Chapter 2. I’m hoping to finish chapter three before I go on vacation this weekend.

What Inspires Me Right Now

During the Emmy’s on Monday night, my best friend texted me to say, “My new dream is for you to become a successful writer and win an award and have to give a speech. Literally make my whole life.” And I guess the fact that he has faith enough that one day, maybe I can have the potential to win an award by writing things is kind of cool. Even if it was evil of him to make me want to give a speech in front of countless people just so I could squirm and flounder and be generally uncomfortable.

Thinking about what inspires me is also a gentle reminder that I have yet to create a writing playlist for That Golf Story. For each story that I write, I create a writing playlist based partly on mood, but mostly on the music that my MC likes. Sometimes it’s not my favorite kind of music, or what I want to listen to at that moment, but I’ve found that it really helps me get inside the head of my characters.

What Else I’ve Been Up To

Aside from writing 1600 words on Friday, I also drank 3/4 of a bottle of wine and saw Calvary. The movie was amazing. The cinematography, the acting, the accents, brilliant all. The movie did well at not giving away the ending. I laughed, I gasped, I recommend.

Sunday I took the GRE. I didn’t fail. I could have done much worse than I did. I did better on math than I had anticipated and not quite as well on verbal as expected, but still, a good showing! It’s those damn reading comprehension questions. They got me on the ACT and they got me again on the GRE. But that’s okay. It is! I’m sure of it. Now I just have to reach out to old profs for recommendation letters and begin the application project. I’m on schedule!

What’s up, Wednesday? Inaugural Post

WHAT’S UP WEDNESDAY is a blog meme I heard about from my dear friend Bailey Knight and have decided to implement on my own blog. This is happening in the vain hope that it will get me to a) think about this oft neglected blog more often, b) post here more, and c) write more.

As it has once again been months since I’ve posted here, I thought it was about time to breathe some new life into this blog. Look, I even gave it a facelift. What more could you possibly want from me?

What I’m Reading

I finally, finally picked up a copy of These Broken Stars by Amie Kaufman and Meagan Spooner. I’ve been meaning to read it for months since I saw Meagan Spooner at the NoVa Teen Book Festival way back in March. She sold it as a sci-fi ship wreck and so far it has delivered. Really enjoying the cross between Titanic and Firefly that somehow totally works.

Last week I finished Vicious by VE Schwab and oh my god, you guys. It was so good. I can’t recommend it enough. The protagonist might be a villain the villain is believed to be a hero, there are superpowers and intrigue and death and gunfights. So, so much fun. I’ll definitely be picking more books up by Schwab in the future.

What I’m Writing

I made a big deal out of it on tumblr, but didn’t mention it here and here it is, the big news: I finished the first draft of that novel that wouldn’t end! It is currently way too long, and has a few plot holes, and some things just don’t make sense BUT that’s what revision is for! The draft is done and in a metaphorical drawer so that I can get some perspective on what changes will need to be made for the first round of edits. While I wait to do those…

I started a new project! I got a jump-start and outlined it in its entirety before I started writing. It doesn’t have a name yet, but it’s a contemporary YA novel about a girl playing golf on the boy’s team. There will be snark and banter, angry make-outs and rock shows, but for now I’m still trying to figure out just who the characters are.

Because I’m insane, I’ve challenged myself to write 60k in 60 Days, like a more reasonable version of NaNoWriMo. I’m not going to count the days consecutively (otherwise I’m already way, way behind schedule) but after 4 days I’m already at ~5000 words, so I’m feeling good!

What Inspires Me Right Now

My friends have been passing around the DVDs of the one-season show Life As We Know It for a few months now and it’s finally my turn with them. So I’m using those as the proverbial carrot to make myself study for the GRE.

As I just got home from a week with my parents, I can honestly say they’ve been a good source of inspiration. I talked to them about my grad school plans, and my worries, and were really helpful. They were so supportive, and helped me realized that this is the best decision for me. I know it’s time that I leave DC, and they’ve been so understanding – about my plans to move home next summer, about moving hundreds of miles away for grad school, about my aspirations – that it’s really helped assuage some of my fears, if not my anxieties.

What Else I’ve Been Up To

Last week I went home and Mom and I took a little road trip up through Michigan. We were originally supposed to hang around the beach reading for two days, but the weather didn’t cooperate. We climbed Sleeping Bear Dunes, and saw a few lighthouses, but for the most part, Northern Michigan was cold and dreary. But we managed the better part of five days together in a car and didn’t kill each other (or even fight once!) so I consider the trip a resounding success. I also got to play in the first annual Bay Girls Alumni Scramble while I was home, and catching up with the golf team was a lot of fun. I even went to the drive-in while home, even though I had to endure the Expendables 3 in order to fall asleep during re-watch Guardians of the Galaxy.

Now that I’m back in DC, I have plans to take the GRE this Sunday. Which means that this week is dedicated to studying for the GRE. Next month grad school applications open, so I’ll start in on those and email some former professors to beg ask for letters of recommendation. Keep your fingers crossed for me!

Anything is Better than Nothing

I… haven’t got much going on right now. Don’t get me wrong, I have goals. Both long- and short-term. I know what I want to do in the abstract but making any of those ideas reality is challenging. Not because of roadblocks or anything, I’m just… lazy. I’m working on it. My current mantra is “Anything is better than nothing”.

Like, going to the gym and struggling on the elliptical for 30 minutes while smiling maniacally at a Friends rerun is better than being pestered by cats while I sit on my couch playing Dylan O’Brien 2048 while watching a rerun of Friends and smiling maniacally.

Or, researching grad programs is better than re-reading my favorite fic. Eating yogurt, blackberries, and cheerios for lunch was better than going downstairs to Chipotle. Making my own gifs of my favorite shows and posting them on tumblr is better than scrolling through tumblr lamenting the lack of gifs for my favorite shows.

Anything is better than nothing.

Which is also why I participated in Camp NaNo this year. It was the first time that I participated in any NaNo event because NaNoWriMo is in November and until very recently that was the lead-up to finals and, well, that wasn’t going to help me be any more productive or write any better. But now, now that I’m out of school and have all of this free time, I figured I’d give it a shot.

Spoiler alert: I didn’t “win”. To win NaNo you have to hit a specific word count. In November, for National Novel Writing Month, that means writing 50,000 words of a new novel. For Camp NaNo, participants can set their own goals. I set mine at a much more modest 15,000 words. I did not write 15,000 words. I added about 10,000 words to my draft in the month of April. I wrote another 1300 words or so as part of an outline, but that doesn’t count.

So I didn’t “win” Camp NaNo. But I wrote. I wrote a lot. I wrote in DC and Virginia and even in Boston.

I wrote up to the climax and then I froze.

Which is dumb. I’ve known how the climax will play out in this novel/draft/manuscript/whatever you want me to call it for ages. I know what’s going to happen next and I even have it written out in what is, for me, a surprisingly detailed outline. I just need to write it.

So that’s where I am. Trying to be a more productive human. Trying to finish this goddamn draft even though it’s already 99k words and I haven’t even written the climax. Trying to figure out what programs I’ll apply to for graduate school.

But I am working on those things. I’m being proactive instead of reactive. I’m writing, and planning edits, and thinking up the outline of a short story. (I’ll need something to work on after this draft is finished and I shelve it for a month or two to really let it ferment before I cut it to hell and back.) I’m still madly researching grad programs, and thinking of which professors to ask for recommendations. I’m making gifs. I’m occasionally going to the gym and trying to eat healthier. I’m reading books and impatiently waiting for new ones to be ready for me to pick up at the library. I’m marathoning TV shows to be prepared for ATX Festival in June. I’m looking for concerts to go to. I’m planning game nights with my friends and day trips to amusement parks and paintballing, and to trampoline parks.

Anything is better than nothing.

One More Page

photo

Look at all the pretty.

So, alright, this is one resolution broken. I had a list of totally manageable New Year’s Resolutions, or so I thought. One of them was to blog once a month. Once a month! That’s not even difficult! And I kind of equivocated with “yeah, but February is the shortest month” but that’s bull. I just didn’t do it. I put it off until the last minute, like always, and didn’t follow through. Instead of blogging on February 28th, I spent it watching Teen Wolf with my best friend. So I don’t regret the decision, necessarily, but I could have blogged while we watched (I had my laptop, after all) or I could have, you know, just not procrastinated. [See: me finally finishing this post on March 31st.]

And yeah, I did my usual roundtables over at Off Color TV, [uh, okay, no. Nope. I'm behind on Parks and the last few eps of Teen Wolf fell through the cracks.] but that was contributing to a post, not actual blogging, and… you don’t care.

Anyway, BOOKS! I’m kind of glad this post got delayed because I have even more book-related stuff to talk about. Y’all know that I love books. Love, love, love ‘em. I’ve been buying them more and more, which is wonderful. There’s a certain sense of joy and also comfort in having shelves lined with books. I keep mine organized by color because they’re my books and I can do what I want. Also, I’m more likely to remember what the book looks like than the author or the title at any given moment. It’s my system, it works for me. And gives me some pretty cool looking bookshelves.

So the last month or two have been more bookish than usual. It’s glorious. I’ve been going to the library more often because it’s just through the park and it’s a really nice walk. Sure, the loan-period isn’t very long and the renewal limits are even worse, but books! Free books! And they have a rotation of books for sale that are never more than a dollar. So far I’ve already acquired The Age of Miracles (Walker), Great House (Krauss), Middlesex (Eugenides) and Telegraph Avenue (Chabon). I also wanted to get the copies of Bossypants and Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me and send them to friends as a fun project, but alas, when I returned they had already disappeared.

But I’ve also made more of an effort to buy new books. Because, as much as I love second-hand books – books that have had their pages turned, that have a life of their own – authors don’t get those proceeds. So I’ll still use the library or my Kindle to find books and authors I adore and admire and then once I feel that tug of connection with a book, or an author, or just a sentence that was so beautiful you wonder how someone managed to write it, I have to buy it.

I’ve recently fallen in writer-love with Maggie Stiefvater. She seems amazing, her life seems cool, and her books make me want to die a little bit. But in a good way. I once pulled up a review of The Raven Boys on my phone in the middle of a bar to show my friend Kate one of the (many) amazing sentences that filled its pages. Since I read TRB, I’ve been picking my way through her other books. I bought Forever at a Half Price Books when I was visiting my parents over Thanksgiving. It’s the third in a series, though, so it sat prettily on my shelf while I worked through the first two. Shiver I got from the library. A day after I picked its sequel, Linger, up from the holdshelf at the library – while I was still carrying it around in my purse – I bought a signed copy from One More Page, an independent bookstore where my friend Kate was participating in a reading/author panel. (Don’t worry, I bought the anthology she appeared in, too!)

There’s some small addiction in buying books. I love to see my shelves fill up, to support authors, to know that I can read any of them, any time I want. I can’t suddenly drop everything to follow the assassination trails of past presidents or skip a little league game to save the world from Coyote, but I can pick up these books and be transported into those situations and that’s kind of thrilling.

So, I’m going to read Kate’s short story and give her some feedback before diving back into Forever. And then tomorrow Camp NaNo kicks off and, though I don’t really understand how it works, I’m hoping to finish the first draft of my novel. The novel I have been working on for two years and then end is in sight, people! Maybe one day, in a year or even ten, I’ll have my very own novel to add to my bookshelves.

Oh, I also picked up a few galleys when One More Page had their 3rd anniversary party. I got:

  • The Unnaturals (Barnes – whom I follow on Twitter and kind of adore)
  • Etched on Me (Crowell)
  • Be Safe, I Love You (Hoffman) [I actually got this book as the result on Buzzfeed's What New Book Should You Read This Spring? quiz]
  • The Remedy (Goetz)

Birthday Anxiety

I actually made realistic New Year’s Resolutions this year, and one of them was to blog at least once every month. Technically, I have. I’ve posted many, many times this month to Off Color TV, but not here. And when I made the resolution, it was with this blog in mind, so here we go.

I recently had a birthday. It wasn’t a seminal birthday, I didn’t hit a milestone, it didn’t feel like a big deal. The biggest change, really, is that there will no longer be a Taylor Swift anthem with which to associate.

But the whole week or two leading up to my birthday made me incredibly anxious, anyway. I had to really sit down and think about why, but I think, eventually, I came up with the reason. I’m terrible at making decisions. Rather, I’m terrible at making a decision if it could affect another person in any way, shape, or form. Like, never ask me where we should go to dinner.

I’ve never really been a person who celebrated their birthday. I think I’ve had two actual birthday parties in my life? Maybe three. And I think there are a few reasons why. One is that I’m a pretty low-key person. I can talk and talk, but I don’t really love being the center of attention. When my friend texted me to ask what my plans were for my birthday I said that I wasn’t sure because I don’t know how to celebrate myself. It took an hour for the truth of that statement to sink in. I really don’t. I don’t know how to really splurge on myself. I don’t want for that much and anything too big seems excessive. I don’t know how to ask for a birthday party because I don’t want to put other people out. I don’t want to be an inconvenience.

Which is… a thing I have. I don’t know. I’m insecure and have low self-worth sometimes. It happens. And it’s dumb because I have so many friends that would be willing to celebrate with me that that’s almost an inconvenience in and of itself. What a hard life, right? God, I hate even complaining because I’m so lucky to have all of these friends but there’s too many friend groups and no good way for them all to mix and I’m coming back from a brutal bout of illness that I’m 90% is mono and I’m just tired.

I don’t want to make a decision.

In the end, I didn’t really. That same friend that texted me about my plans took the reins. She asked me what I wanted (margaritas, maybe Mexican food), and picked a restaurant, gathered the troops and led the charge. It was just what I needed.

In the end, I had a pretty great birthday. I got to see a ton of my friends, including a few who happened to be in town for the long weekend. I got to go to some delicious meals, laugh a lot, watch Studio 60, and my friends gave me some thoughtful gifts (I now own ALL of the fox stuff, you guys. It’s wonderful). And then work was cancelled due to snow, extending the already-long weekend.

Just because my birthday and the weekend went well didn’t erase my anxiety surrounding my birthday, or planning parties in general. In those situations, I’d rather be someone’s second in command, helping them make decisions and execute plans, than having to hold the mantle alone. But a lot of my anxiety was assuaged simply because I had people to share my birthday with. It was realizing that a lot of the anxiety I was feeling came down to me not wanting to be alone, not wanting to think that people wouldn’t want to spend time with me. And I am so, so grateful that they all took time out from their lives for me. That’s what really made the day special.

Relationship Theory

Every time I search the “relationship theory” tag on this blog I’m surprised I haven’t published this yet. It’s literally been years since I first wrote most of this. So, finally, as Amanda and I sit around watching Studio 60 again for the [embarrassingly high number] time and mostly written three-ish years ago, is my Relationship Theory. Get ready for a lot of convoluted Taylor Swift and Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip references:

I love about pop culture –  watching tv, picking apart plots and dialogue and finding out that some actors are just as hilarious (if not more so) off screen than on. But every once in a while, I realize that pop culture is slowly killing me. Somehow, this vicious media frenzy is making me too idealistic.

I’m rarely idealistic. I’m more the pragmatic sort who wishes she had more of a devil-may-care snark-tastic attitude. Anyway, I tend to be a realist, if not an outright pessimist. Which is why becoming fixated on heart-wrenching moments during scripted television shows kind of kills me. But, at the exact same time, it gives me hope than I can write great stories, great plots that can make other people hopeful, too. I don’t want to be all doom and gloom. I’ll never be bright and shiny, but I’m not dark and twisty, either.

The one line that get’s me – every goddamn time – is courtesy of Logan Echolls towards the second season finale of the unjustifiably short-lived Veronica Mars. Logan, a little tipsy and a lot heartbroken, pours his soul out to his ex, Veronica. He tells her, “I thought our story was epic, you know? Spanning years and continents. Lives ruined, bloodshed. Epic.”

Be still, my heart. I wish that I could put him on my Amazon wish list. I just… I want epic. I don’t need romance, I don’t even want it. All I ask for is something pure, real, scary, and bigger than myself. Well, okay, maybe that’s a pretty big wish, but a girl’s gotta dream.

It all goes back to the Relationship Theory, based off of Taylor Swift (stay with me). My friends and I usually apply it to Studio 60, though it works for many other fictional stories.

My freshman year of college, Taylor Swift was kind of a big deal. [Hahaha, she's only gotten so much more popular. This is weird. Then again, that was 2009.] Her music, though juvenile, was catchy, poppy, and fun to sing along to. Anyway, one of the bigger hits at the time was “The Way I Loved You.” It’s a fairly simple song, but it ignited a major schism to form between my roommates and myself: which boy each of us would prefer?

I thought it was obvious – you choose the ex-boyfriend. You know that you’ll (probably) get hurt, and it won’t be easy, but you’ll be consumed by passion, completely in love. Love wouldn’t be very spectacular, let alone epic, if you didn’t have to fight for it.

Amanda, however, reasoned that she wanted the current boyfriend for exactly those reasons. She wanted to be sure of her relationship and be comforted by the warm feeling it instills in you. She wanted something she could trust.

But, for those unfamiliar with the song, let me give you examples of the two different options.

Ex-boyfriend: [Taylor was constantly] screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain, it would be 2am and she’d be cursing his name, so in love that she acted insane… Breaking down and coming undone it was a roller coaster kind of rush and she never knew she could feel that much, but that’s the way she loved him. He was wild and crazy, just so frustrating, intoxicating, complicated, and got away by some mistake.

Current boyfriend: Is sensible and so incredible and makes all of T-Swift’s single friends jealous. He says everything that she need to hear and it’s like she couldn’t ask for anything better.  He opens up her door and she get into his car and he says, “you look beautiful tonight,” and she feels perfectly fine. He can’t see the smile she’s faking and her heart’s not breaking ‘cause she’s not feeling anything at all.  He respects her space and never makes her wait and he calls exactly when he says he will. He’s close to her mother, talks business with her father, he’s charming and endearing and she’s comfortable.

So there you have it. Two boys, exactly the opposite of one another. Amanda championed the line where the new bf, “talks business with my father.” She thought that was, quite possibly, the most endearing thing a guy could do. She wants someone who will call when he says, pick her up, make every other girl wonder how you got so lucky.

Okay, so I understand where that is the ideal, you know? Practical and dependable. I get it. But come on. Wouldn’t you prefer wild and crazy, frustrating, intoxicating, and, most importantly, kissing in the rain? Listen, I relish in a good fight. I like being challenged. It’s fun for me. (To a point, obviously. I can handle yelling, I can be wrong, but there’s obviously that line in fighting where emotional well-being comes into question and then you have to take a step back. So, healthy fighting, I guess.)

To me, being challenged is a necessary part of a relationship; I don’t want to sit stagnant, I’d be bored out of my skull. I don’t understand how anyone could be happy with someone who always respects your space; the biggest thrills occur when someone invades your personal space and drags you out of your doldrums, kicking and screaming. (Not all the time. Obviously. Sometimes I just want to sit around in my jammies and watch Netflix and have you just accept it.)

Back to TSwift: the thing that kills me, every time, is that her ex got away by some mistake. And, even worse, her new boyfriend clearly doesn’t know her very well at all. Even if you disregard the fact that the replacement can’t tell when she plasters on a fake smile, he fails to make her feel. When she’s with him, she never get’s past “fine” and “comfortable”. He’s reliable. And yet, he doesn’t make her feel “anything at all.”

All of my favorite (fictional) relationships rest on this theory. That the guy you should be with, 9 times out of 10, is the one who makes you come alive, even if that means you want to crawl out of your skin because you’re so angry you can’t see straight. Which is where the whole Matt / Harriet thing comes into play.

If  you’ve ever sen Studio 60, you will know that there are two primary relationships. The on-again off-again Matt & Harriet and the “slow” burn Danny & Jordan. While Danny and Jordan have a turbulent love story of their own, I will always strive for the Matt/Harriet relationship. They, like literary idols Elizabeth and Darcy, are epic. Their relationship spanned millennia (technically)! I guess this will require a little bit of an explanation.

Studio 60 is one of my favorite shows of all time (haters to the left). It was one of those things that really brought Amanda and I together as friends, but once again we found ourselves divided when it came down to the relationships. There are two couples to follow throughout the course of the one-season series. On the one hand, you have Danny and Jordan who perfectly exemplify the relationship of Taylor Swift and the new boyfriend. Comfortable, reliable, endearingly sweet. And then there are Matt and Harriet who can’t get over each other. They’ve gotten together and broken up more than any of the other characters can count. They’re constantly fighting, but they also have unwavering support in the other. That is what I find enviable; they never lose faith in each other.

I’m fairly certain that Jane Austen would have known exactly what I’m talking about. She, too, understood that the best relationships are not the simple ones, but the ones filled with conflict, strife, and challenges. Deeply passionate love makes you examine every fiber of your being. There’s a reason that Elizabeth and Darcy are the heroes of Pride and Prejudice and not Jane and Bingley. It’s the same reason that Emma and Mr. Knightley are the couple of interest and not Harriet Smith and that poor farm boy. (Consequently, it’s why Sense and Sensibility is my least favorite Austen book, though I know it cover to cover.)

I constantly struggle with this little theory of mine. Because, although my heart wants epic, my mind tells me I want comfortable – that I will eventually just settle down with a best-friend type.

Now obviously the relationships we choose to idealize and covet in fiction are not always well-suited for reality. How many of the epic bonds and love stories from the page and screen are contingent on war or crazy murderers or whatever? In reality, Logan Echolls would probably not make a great boyfriend. Very few of my fictional boyfriends would probably make good real world boyfriends (here’s to you, Seth Cohen and Stiles Stilinski!). But these ‘bad boy’ characters, I like them (and the shows, to an extent) because they are escapist, they let me live vicariously through the characters.

I think it’s important to realize that there is some overlap. I’m interested in the fictional relationships that I am because I find at least some part of them interesting and appealing. The heroes, protagonists, and antagonists that I fall for, again and again, might not be great people. But they’re great characters. And I guess, as long as you or I understand the distinction, everything is copacetic. This Relationship Theory is obviously an extreme reaction to tropes and archetypes perpetuated by fiction, but there’s some truth to it. Rory chose Jess over Dean, she chose Logan over Marty, she chose action and adventure and passion over comfort and familiarity and movie nights with Lorelai. She used those relationships to help her figure out who she was and what she wanted out of life. And maybe that’s their most important function, after all.

Fantasy Christmas List

It’s mid-December and I still don’t have a real Christmas list cobbled together, so I thought I’d give you a peek into my fantasy wish list. All of them would be pretty much guaranteed to improve my quality of life, albeit to varying degrees. I’m going to start from the most realistically do-able and move to the more farfetched and fantastical.

  1. The ability to save gifs as phone/computer backgrounds. It is 2013. This seems like the most reasonable request I could make. Soundhound/Grooveshark can exist but this can’t? I think not. I would really like to be able to have a folder of gifs consisting entirely of foxes and Dylan O’Brien that would constantly rotate. This would improve my mood by at least 66% every day, I’m sure. How could I not smile like a loon every time I checked my phone? It would be impossible.
  2. Implantable microchip medical records (e.g. allergies, pre-existing conditions, medications, etc.) Update via wifi or bluetooth or something. I’m sure science could make it happen. Doctors could just scan and go. This would be so overwhelmingly convenient and would save so many lives. It’s ridiculous. Getting hold of medical records in emergency situations can be entirely too difficult between incapacitated patients and frantic EMTs. Realistically, this would probably be mostly used in first world countries, but the global impact is too great to ignore.
  3. Closets like Cher Horowitz’s in Clueless. Seriously, I don’t have time to mix and match the perfect every day for work. It’d be pretty great if I could get a computer to do that for me. It’d be even better if the closet came pre-loaded with clothes I would be guaranteed to like that were also flattering, but that might be a bit of a stretch.
  4. Videoscreen showers. Not, like, a TV in your shower as I’m pretty sure those already exist. Even I think that’s excessive. More like tiles that display images/video. How cool would it be to be in your shower but be in a forest? Or a beach? I don’t know, whatever you find tranquil.
  5. Enchanted windows a la the Ministry of Magic. Imagine being able to set the weather to your mood. My office workspace is in a walled-in area with no natural light. It makes me kind of crazy. And there’s nothing I love more than watching rain/snow, so this should just be a thing already.
  6. Moving tattoos. Listen. I want a tattoo, but what I really want is a moving tattoo. I read an article about a guy with a gif tattoo, which sounds cool, in theory, but then you have to watch it on your phone and I think that kind of defeats the purpose, you know? I don’t want to have to use a phone to see my tattoo. I want it there, on my person. Moving. Preferably to my moods. Like, if I’m restless and I had a fox tattoo it would pace or stamp its foot. Or if I were sleepy it would curl up and take a nap. I just think this would be adorable and awesome.

Basically I just want magic to be real.